truth hurts

I'm watching a interview with Ryan O'Neil.. a likeable man yet a man so unconnected to his daughter with no sense of understanding for what his actions have set into motion for others. Infatuated with Farrah and full of dedication for her, he misses the life sitting in front of him. The sin that crippled the entire family continues on in his oblivious resolve to not face his past and the price his kids pay for it. He doesn't even know how old his grandson is and has only seen him 3 times!

Reminds me of my relationship with my father. While I have dealt with it I think to the best of my ability it boggles my mind that a man can be so detached from reality and his kids... wow...

He sees dealing with the past as abusive... funny.. funny how we can twist things we don't want to face.

My family is still torn. A huge fracture goes directly through my family. My brother has such hate for my mom.. for her sin... yet he swims in the pool of lies my father has created and sees nothing wrong.... funny

Course we all see things differently! We see through our own lenses. I guess one day when we see it through God's eyes we shall finally see the truth. Meanwhile we continue to limp and crawl through life.. bandaged and broken. Trying the best we can. Truth hurts!

sick and tired of christians

Yep thats me. Sick and tired. Give me the world. You expect back biting and gossip and nasty people from the world. From christians you expect... well .. Love. Ha, Ha. Ya right. Jesus didn't get love. he got Nasty rotten so called relgious people too. They killed him and I bet, given the chance... a lot of so called christians would rain violence on us too.

Ok, so know I've vented. I don't feel better. i feel sad. depressed. I have to work with people who have no interity and sense of passion for the gospel, only their own agendas and missions for their own glory.

Dear God... you could handle this because, after all.. you were God. But me. I'm weak, little and nobody. How am I supposed to handle this.

Help me let go of this, have a good sleep and start over tomorrow.

today

Today I am determined to be healthier in my choices. I want to become healthy so I am not stuck taking medication daily. It is hard because I know that this means a lifestyle change.... and that is overwhelming. But I'm not going to think that big. I'm just going to think about achieving 2 things. 1 -  a smaller intake of food. 2 - a walk.
I'll let you know if I am successful at that.

july 24/11

I'm here... first day yet again!

here because of Tania and Hannah... Encouragement to keep going and growing! Thanks.

Still need to work this blogg out..probably will change some.

stay tuned